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The most awesome guy says:

Name:
Eudemonistic
I'm the best guy in the world.
Some people can't appreciate that - they're idiots.

In fact I'm so great that thinking about me is like masturbation.
God even lusts after me, but I tell him that his love cannot be.

Some people say they feel like they're on top of the world.
They're stupid assholes, everyone is on top of the world except
miners and deep sea explorers, and they're crap too. I haven't
got their low self-esteem, because they suck so hard they keep
it to themselves.

I look slightly brighter than everyone else, because when light
reflects off me it's that little bit more awesome for having
touched me.

I'm on top of the the top universe. I'm the best person ever.
Even when I lie down at night to go to sleep, if I talk during
my sleep, I'll be talking down to you. I'm that awesome.

There is only one thing I've never succeeded at, and that's
failing. I just couldn't manage it.


Foxes are cool, too. What other animal has to be hunted down
by an entire army to be killed? Even then, they're hard to
catch. Foxes are cool enough to be given automatic weapons.

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